Sweet truth - I am leaving!

I don’t know how to describe it - this feeling. We could start with butterflies, the forbidden excitement, or simply maybe just adrenaline.
Adrenaline that gives my life a rush like no other drug. I feel uncomfortable and sometimes don’t like my body to be overtaken by millions of butterflies. But it indeed(ly) is a great excitement, a new fresh breath and in my old always going day-to-day life.
(have you notice- Ever since I started this journey there are a lot’s of deep thoughts cruising on my brains autobahn and streets? Anyways..)
When my life got taken over by my “love”/ feelings towards this man and I felt too tight up (not in a bad way), too secure, I even knew how I wanted my life to be with only 21 yrs- I simply left and gave all of those securities away! Thinking of it this way: I gave up 2 great jobs, friends, family, boyfriend and Appartment, furniture, car, insurance… everything. It really sounds crazy! I see expression from these always concerned “German folks” that makes my belli turn-upside down and up. But this time it feels like an uncomfortable tightness.
Back “home”, if I may say so, in the USA many people stood there and agreed with how strong I was, brave and full of life to do this. Here my lovely German peeps therefore see it as a more hmm.. let’s say “irresponsible” way. At least that’s how far I read their lips.
As I am feeling a bit insecure and keep asking myself: “Was I right to do this? - Giving up all these securities? no real money income, simply nothing but myself?”
-You know what, yes it was! It simply was!
I had a pleasure of talking to a man, who simply achieved everything, studied, graduated and now has a great job… followed the path he thought would make him happy and therefore now he just doesn’t feel happy.
I do not want to see myself go that road. I know I have issues with dealing with being alone. Doing everything myself. No support system. No one to tell me what will make me happy. (sometimes I “analyze” myself and wonder if I am too easily influenced. Although I should be inalterable. Are these wishes and dreams I express really mine?) So There I am. I left my everything, gave it up and am facing this fear. This fear-that will have this wonderful journey packed in with. The journey of myself finding myself. Finding my happiness. I do, I do, I do, I do have this adrenaline, these bee’s and butterflies, this tightness, storm and thunder in my stomach. I am scared many days, but this journey will mean so much, so much that so many people, young people did not find yet.
-their happiness and themselves.. SWEET THRUTH.. Being simply Inalterably themselves!

(If I was to make a cheer to my journey and drink some champagner: To hopes within my prayers, that I won't wake up one day, hating my life-therefore loving every day of it!)
Barcelona-tomorrow I come

As i love mee some loveely methaphores, here ya'll got it:
 This fruit I bought was strange and unknown, I took the fear of not knowing what or how and decided that the unknow "different choice" might just turn out to be as pleasurable as the baby banana melting away in my mouth.. tender and soft, like the jewel of pralines!

Don’t look back!- what is hidden in your closet?

New year came..2011... I had a different and “more” exciting plan. I was going to go to Amsterdam. It would have been a new, exciting experience- (all in all didn‘t I say I want to adapt this motto: It is an exciting adventure-okay I‘ll do it?). Therefore I even had more then one friend going there… (I guess Amsterdam has become the “newest” trend for New Year Eve?)
Anyhow… plans changed. It didn’t work out.. That’s okay…I got invited- my friend insisted for me to come to this party. So I stayed in my old history filled city. It was a Party in a Auto house, many people, many chances to run into someone old from the past.
Every few minutes someone tipped onto my shoulders. ANDYYYY, nahhh I don’t believe it. Some I even had to look twice-1^{st acquaintances} they had changed so much, I didn’t recognize them at all… super crazy, beard, glasses, long hair, short hair, tall, chubby… then the 2^{nd acquaintances} When did we last talk?, I mean when I left?-why are you happy to see me, again? (no, I am really just joking, it was nice to see everyone, just strange)
3^{rd acquaintances} I just didn’t even remember their names…
Well very strange, but also exciting and comfortably nice. I had a great time. Also A great time reminiscing onto my past.
It’s exactly 2 days before my last day in Germany. I believe it might be okay to feel a little sad and dream from what was!? Right.. Of course I would like it to be a: “ romanced filled- always happy going past” to remember.. So I got to leave out a lot.. I don’t remember having a good happy ending in any love relations, then?
Anyways… Romeo and Juliette. The book of the greatest love story ever. I received that book as a present when I was young. It has a lot of memories combined and I just had to find it. My mother is moving and therefore I wasn’t even sure in which room to look.
I ended up finding the book, not only that. I found a book with love notes, friend notes.. So many memories, a lot of old pictures and more. There I was sitting for hours just reminiscing, dreaming, floating somewhere else in a different time of this universe.
Reading my past is quite shocking?!- I have changed into such a different person, more wisdom (which will grow as I do), more values and believes, more self confidence and strength, a bigger more selfless self. I sometimes even believe I purposely forgot about some of my own past. There had been Many hurt feelings and a lot of problems!- Who wouldn’t want to erase the bad ones?! Therefore it was even better to skip over those and reminisce over my old loves, old friends, old innocence, So, Tell me have you ever found old memories and have looked back and said: Wooow, I have totally changed?!

Trying to take picture of the beautiful fireworks... didn't work out well.. Hmm now that I am thinking bout it, I didn't even get a New years kiss!

Inside .. lot's of people

Thinking interested.. Or sometimes just thinking..

So … I just talked a whole bunch of German all day, so please forgive me. I probably have the strongest sounding English right now…(well, German accent) Well sorry what else can I say. But it might just have an interesting factor just cause you see how quickly everything changes. New Country, New Language.. Old is old. Alrighty
Enough is said.
Well at least to that subject. I am not sure what it is. But Germany just gets me thinking non-stop. Probably because I start thinking of the differences from US to G-land. And well just as it goes. Today, Today I was frustrated, just a bit. I couldn’t believe how open and free people sometimes feel to say things. I mean last year that I came to visit-same thing. You get jokes like this from total strangers in the middle of the street: “I want to stick in your skin“(which is a normal appropriate saying to say: I want to be you).. And then this pig says: (Already imaging it?) 5 inch(cm) (however I doubt that it makes any difference, with such a language, there can’t be much). Well, don’t get me wring. I am not a closed up minded girl not open for complements and I’ve seen a lot. But I feel that my respect was put down. And for all the means- I do not walk around possible near to be told this. So any who, anyhow… I was at work, working and serving, as this kind of pig of man comes walking into the little restaurant. I am used to by now to get complements from those old men. But he,.. He’s a special one I tell ya(not the special that you’d like to keep) He starts talking about my ass, my ass is so freaky, nasty, amazing, sexy. And how many times. He’s hugging me. Not even noticing that I feel uncomfortable. Just so touchy and feeling. I couldn’t stand it. Drunk like B.. really.. It was too much. I mean then he is 54 looks more like 68.. And says: well today I didn’t get styled up. Normally I look really sharp. But today I didn’t do much. But I tell ya, I am one freaken hot man. I am such an amazing man. I am the shh.. Basically totally self-loved alcoholic. Really. (okay I didn’t start this blog to bash about pppppl. Really not. And I haven’t, and I shouldn’t ever. But if you would have been there. The other guests felt very bad for me. It was BAD. It really was. And then on top of all my boss, she was complaining and grumpy… and now I started a theory that every 2^nd German complains.. Every 1^st not… Cause I am not a racist and am not trying to judge any race. White, yellow, black, orange.. Doesn’t matter we all are same, and there is just not any “Groupalizing” possible. Big, NO&no, basta!(loving my made up words, aren’t cha) Therefore today, I just kept counting 1,2... She is a 2, he’s 1. 1&2... 1&2,2&1... All night. Even in TV! Haha… Sorry for my humor. I can tell I am getting back into the German “lifestyle” again. Not harsh, but I need to keep the goods, my goodies from US. I do indeed. I say it’s time to read some holy scripture! Tell me do or have Any, Any of you ever felt put into a situation, which was just so freaken uncomfortable, that you still just are stunned that they’d be like that.
(I really am trying not to judge. So I am sorry... Ou and from all my "thinking" I totally forgot of the big day... New years/Silvester.. tomorrow.. stay tunned)

I am loosing it

I am not sure if a lot of you can relate to this, but I am definitely loosing it. My English. It’s unbelievable. The grammar/ “sentence structure” is so different, quite the opposite even, if you compare German and English with one another. Therefore my “blogging” entrees sound so hilarious. Even this sentence. It’s hard and sometimes I ask myself, how am I going to fit even another language inside of that blonde curly head of mine? Then I translate my English toughts into German and the Germans laugh, cause it sounds quite hilarious.
The language barier is one thing, but I also feel that I have lost something else.
I am not going to lie, it’s quite hard being here in Germany. Everything is fine, but I left it behind for a reason, I think. I wanted to start a new different life because “my old one” in Germany wasn’t the best fitting one for me. I wanted to create a better one, find different cultures and more. One that fits to me. And maybe it is even myself that has changed and molded into someone else, I hate to say this but I feel like I have grown out of my German times. It doesn’t seem like me anymore, its not enough, its just not my size anymore. I lost a bit of my Germanself.
I hate to be so judgmental and nag, but I look around and I find that there is a lot of things that I started to like in the US rather then how its done in Germany. Everyone smokes here and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone, but me. My hair stinks, my clothes and even my mouth taste like smoke. I feel that Americans in some ways, are more health oriented, and I feel that I have grown into a person, that really cares for it. I rarely find any parties interested in my “health conversations”. Another thing is that no one is friendly. Of course with my “American way”, it seems to charm them to be happy.(of course the people can be friendly , but some chose not to because why should they?, cut yourself a piece from American customer service and use it, I strongly recomand it) Like this one table said: “I can tell that you had spend a long time in the US, because you have a very nice Oar to yourself. You are very kind and friendly”. I have been observing a lot and just… I guess I keep finding things to nag on. There I ask myself: How do you take the brutal right to be so judgmental? Sometimes I am discussing in my head if I am picky, or righteous to say so, or simply a stuck up brad that can’t live a different way then hers wishingly made-up in her head. (Do I need to be send into the exile to leave a life worth complaining about?)
I know this is a lot of insight. A lot of thoughts. But has anyone else been in a situation like this?! I feel like I lost it all, I gave up everything. And now I compromise with my worsen English, my lifestyle I enjoyed and other things like Someone who I became. I feel that I am challenged and looking at it from the outside perspective I really see the positive in it. Well no, it actually is really even a reason I came here for, now thinking of it. It is myself. Finding who I am. What will make me happy. I bet, you all are asking yourselves of why I am even concerned about Germany. If I don’t like it, why not just leave it beehind. Well like I said, I am loosing it- I don’t know where home is. It is very interesting because I put this theory onto a friend of mine, who had the same views of it. I like this about the US, I also disagree on this. Then Germany has many good perspectives in this view, but bad on this one or more. Spain I love the lifestyle, but… ect.
It’s funny because she is in the same triangle as I- Germany, USA and now coming Spain..We asked each other where home is: We both replied, well only the future will tell!
 I also hate to say this but I am afraid this journey will make me even more lost of were I belong, what if I love Spain and will disagree onto the good ole US. Therefore I really ask myself: Does the experience of culture in young ages build you to who you are. And what if? - Do we get spoiled by the great advantages of every countries unique Flavor? And do we not want to compromise afterall anymore? -Is there an "dream" country, to find?
As I am a… , or lets say, trying always to be a optimist- For this journey, I pray for a lot of optimism, joy and adventurisms. But also most of all insight into myself and into faith of god. So I take every heartache as a pulse beating for more. Every wanted tear as a drop of sweat for courage. And every thought of regret or second thoughts of a sign that life was to comfortable and I needed a challenge.

Winter Wonderland

It has been such a great  Winter. Who could ask for more a White Christmas. It was stunning beautiful everywhere..

Everything was frosted, This is my Backyard in Germany.


On The 24th, the Holy Night, we started decorating the tree. Well I did...

Pretty in Purple not even Santa could resist the tree

Then I decorated our Dining table, Jerusalem Style :).. I love Christmas

The Crib...

I wrapped the presents...

We ate Raqulet, you roast, cheese, veggies, bacon , potatoes and more in a little pan, not to forget this beautiful homemade cake! I missed German bakeries and cakes

Christmas was an amazing time. We went to the Christmas market and drank Wine with cinnamon and more seasonings, which is heated up, we call it glowing wine (Gluehwein)

The city...

Like I said, It has been a wonderful time, I have been getting appointments to serve, I have been relaxing, I sure have been eating :) I have been running into old, some even strange, supprising acquaintances, and am reminded of the old teenage hood, But I really am excited to start a new total unknown experience. It's time for my new History. History i can make in Spain and elsewhere.
I have some thoughts of what to do during New Years (Silvester, which we Germans call it, is a huge day of the year and I think it would be just splendid to take this opportunity to celebrate my journey, what do you think?)), well first I wanted to be boring and just stay put ( I can't lie). But this is an journey, an experience, don't be afraid, grab the opportunity by its arm before its too late. So I am, Be surprised! Stay tuned

Let it snow, Let it snow

It couldn’t be any prettier. You know these little ginger houses? Well imagine a bunch of Ginger houses in a row and some snow frosted trees, little sugar frosting side walks and colorful icing as the font of the houses.. It is stunning and breath taking how beautiful it looks outside.
Little foot print, cat prints and dog prints in the snow. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect weather right before Christmas time. It is something so special. I finally feel like its Winter.

I hear a lot of People complain and a lot of news articles/ news reports in television saying that this is a very hard winter and that so many flights had to be stopped and had to shut down almost the entire airports all over in Europe. Germany, France, London and more. An this had been going on since the last 2 weeks, I came right on the day were it was less snow, but the day after every flight had to be cancelled. (So much to great timing right,smile)

(quite the chaos in Frankfurt)

It even snowed in Greece and they just can’t handle it. I am not sure if some greeks have ever seen snow (no seriously)
I have been really enjoying the weather.
So far I am enjoying it very much in Germany as well. I work for 3 hours at the most 2-3 days a week. The job is easy, since Germans don’t really focus on customer service, they just want to be left alone when they eat. And the will tell ya when the want another drink or shot, or beer, refills aren’t free, so its great. Serving compared From US and Germany, well.. Loving it I can’t lie. And then a lot of relaxing the rest of the days.
Today I ate this beautiful meal with my parents at the restaurant I am employed at:
We got started of with Good German Bread and “Schweine schmalz” which is a flavored pig belli extract and it had bacon bits in it too. Delicious

Marone Soup

Then we ate this beautiful colorful salad

(I can’t tell you how delicious it was and how absolutely beautiful, just so diverse) (unfortunately I won’t get my Camera until Santa clause, or since I am in Germany the Christ child stops by on the 24^th, so I am really trying to have pictures that look as accurate as possible. I promise it will be right on time for the most beautiful time in Germany. Christmas-Weihnachten.)

Then following with the main course “Paniertes Wienerschnitzel with Spaetzle a German nuddle.

(believe me the plate looked exactly like this one but imagine twice the portion, twice the nuddles and two Wiener schnitzel, which is a pork that is country fried, I had way too much leftovers.)
Okay and the price for this made to order made from scratch everything was 13 euros. Compare that to USA that was quite the awesome meal for a good price thinking that it probably will be my dinner, lunch and dinner again.
It was quite fun.
When I first got here I was wondering how I would even get in contact with any of my old friends but I really didn’t have to do much, the second I walked in my house coming from the airport, one friend called, right 1 minute after that another did and right before we went to dinner today, my neighbor showed up and rang the bell. It's great. It's really great to see my old friends. But I also Can’t wait to have a new, newer, and the very  newest experience in Spain, with no personal history …
Stay tuned..!

leaving it beehind, 1st day away

Well everyone. I am definitely back (home) in Germany. Everywhere I look there is a German  that smokes and drinks. My flight was pretty looong. I sat in that airplane for almost 12 hours. And not to forget. When I checked into my flight I asked where my reserved seat was. "Mam, I am sorry but we do not have any reservations for you." Comes that they had made a mistake and reserved that seat under a miss spelled name. With my luck I had to sit in between two men. One that kept coughing and snorting buggers out and the other well, he was a bid strange, but we had pretty good conversations going. (my first German I had spoken in a while).He told me about his first love that he had lost 30 years ago. He was from Afghanistan and explained that everyone left that country like a volcano spits fire and stones, basically saying that everyone ended up in a different country and different place. I guess there was a war and the Russians had taken over the country and it was a horrible time. So this man continues to tell me that, (yes believe it or not) got a facebook with his 40 years old and typed in her name, and BAM; There she was his first love. It was a quite touching story. They got back into talking to each other and this was the second time that he had visited her in Las Vegas. He almost cried and said that he misses her so much already and that he doesn´t want to leave her back again. They had met when he was 23 and she was 18. Very cute-but, yes there is a but... this man tells me that he is married and has children. I didn´t dare asking if the wife knew, but he had told me that they haven´t been happy since the last 4 years. I really find it sad that married couples give up on one and another. I pray that one day I will find that man that will make happy and will never stop loving me (sounds like a fairytale, but I guess we all have wishes right) I just don´t believe in divorce. But yeah, very interesting story.

SOOO, My first day in Germany looked like this:

-Got picked up by my mum,

-Eat some yummy to my tummy Chinese food

-Started working (yes, can you believe my workaholic self right back into it no sleep and nothing)

(old picture of their sign)

(laugh I work in a German restaurant which translates into "To The Ostrich" and those German co-workers where yelling and complaining, insanely much. One thing I love is that everything was made from scratch and those plates looked so delicious, of course everything was made to order. Very cool)

-was super tired

-hung out with my bestest girls (after getting off at 11 pm), Lili and Charlene in our favorite Bar

-and ended that day late at 4 in the morning at home.

-ate some homemade lasagna with my mum (yes she is a night bird too)

-Sleep, the happy end

It was a pretty good start, I got a little emotional when I had left the airport in Germany and was looking around and saw and finally realized that I was in a different Country( it snowed and it was a wonderland of snow, super beautiful, anyways)

, I cried a few tears, I do miss him already dearly. But as soon as those tears came out I quickly shook them out and said to myself, "this is my journey, this has nothing to do with anyone but me. So cut it out Andrea Catherine and be excited for a new journey, full of surprises and new experiences and a path that I need to take. My path finding God.