Adrenaline that gives my life a rush like no other drug. I feel uncomfortable and sometimes don’t like my body to be overtaken by millions of butterflies. But it indeed(ly) is a great excitement, a new fresh breath and in my old always going day-to-day life.
(have you notice- Ever since I started this journey there are a lot’s of deep thoughts cruising on my brains autobahn and streets? Anyways..)
When my life got taken over by my “love”/ feelings towards this man and I felt too tight up (not in a bad way), too secure, I even knew how I wanted my life to be with only 21 yrs- I simply left and gave all of those securities away! Thinking of it this way: I gave up 2 great jobs, friends, family, boyfriend and Appartment, furniture, car, insurance… everything. It really sounds crazy! I see expression from these always concerned “German folks” that makes my belli turn-upside down and up. But this time it feels like an uncomfortable tightness.
Back “home”, if I may say so, in the USA many people stood there and agreed with how strong I was, brave and full of life to do this. Here my lovely German peeps therefore see it as a more hmm.. let’s say “irresponsible” way. At least that’s how far I read their lips.
As I am feeling a bit insecure and keep asking myself: “Was I right to do this? - Giving up all these securities? no real money income, simply nothing but myself?”
-You know what, yes it was! It simply was!
I had a pleasure of talking to a man, who simply achieved everything, studied, graduated and now has a great job… followed the path he thought would make him happy and therefore now he just doesn’t feel happy.
I do not want to see myself go that road. I know I have issues with dealing with being alone. Doing everything myself. No support system. No one to tell me what will make me happy. (sometimes I “analyze” myself and wonder if I am too easily influenced. Although I should be inalterable. Are these wishes and dreams I express really mine?) So There I am. I left my everything, gave it up and am facing this fear. This fear-that will have this wonderful journey packed in with. The journey of myself finding myself. Finding my happiness. I do, I do, I do, I do have this adrenaline, these bee’s and butterflies, this tightness, storm and thunder in my stomach. I am scared many days, but this journey will mean so much, so much that so many people, young people did not find yet.
-their happiness and themselves.. SWEET THRUTH.. Being simply Inalterably themselves!
(If I was to make a cheer to my journey and drink some champagner: To hopes within my prayers, that I won't wake up one day, hating my life-therefore loving every day of it!)
Barcelona-tomorrow I come
This fruit I bought was strange and unknown, I took the fear of not knowing what or how and decided that the unknow "different choice" might just turn out to be as pleasurable as the baby banana melting away in my mouth.. tender and soft, like the jewel of pralines!
No comments:
Post a Comment