Es curioso cómo cada momento resulta ser el destino- it's fate!

 

The one twin I watch over- boys are way active, ain't never gettin boring with them 3 carinos ;)

The oldest is 9 years, and twins of 5 years

beautiful day at the park, picknick with my fav <3 person Caitlin aka Cactus



Time square of Barcelona.. haha no but really, un bario muy bueno! The "born" neighorhood



Guapisimas, I love spending time w/ her

mi amiga caitlin

always going city, barcelona is so beautiful

huge green house in a "parque", muy bonito

summertime

dinner at our friends' place en el bario "born"

Friends from class and caitlin and I

Barcelona's time square, smile

paseig de gracia.. ciudate muy bonito

random pictures... isn't it so beautiful

gaudi's influence

city living

Everything takes a little time. It takes time to get from place “A” to place “B”, it takes time to make friends, it takes time to get over loss! Simply said: Everything takes time.
First subject on hand, which I am sure ya’ll want to know about, is: How is the new Family? I had written a blog but hadn’t posted it. Let’s say it short, the title was called: Could I ever feel home? -I am sure with ya’lls wide & wild imagination you can proceed ahead of that step and just know that I wasn’t as “happy”. I mean the family was great I said, buuuuut -there is the mistake I had made- I had all these “imaginations” and “hopes” of how I wished & expected it would be like and set the standards way high and was just simple getting frustrated by the smallest things that really don’t even matter. Now- I have learned that it is the way of perspective that makes people see things negative or positive. Pessimist or optimist. Pesimista o optimista? (English and Spanish are so similar, it’s hilarious) So I told myself: “Andy you have a bad angle of view, how bout you move over a bit and see it’s true beauty” MAAAAN, I tell you! I had been missing out on a beautiful so super amazingly view !!!!
I couldn’t be any happier with how sweet my Host mother is. So cute. We sit and talk day to day, we exchange pasts, she invites me to know about her life, divorce and thoughts, we had times where we stood in the kitchen and started singing “oh happy day” church style and danced while doing it, she invites me to go to the beach with just her (because both of us keep going alone ^^) and she just is so nice. We cook together, we laughed about a “sauce” experiment that went wrong and couldn’t stop laughing. I mean can you hear me? it’s fabulous. She even told me she is going on a day and this woman just truly wants to just be happy! So things that where bugging me like: The mum kind of kept making me cook for all of us- and I was “bitching” about my free time “loss”- suddenly it turned into: She loves my cooking’s and I can cook healthy and she buys all the groceries needed. So I am actually loving that! I can finally cook healthy again, which is so important to me to have a healthy lifestyle. She wants to meet my mother, she said it would be so nice. She wants to meet my friends. I talked to her about boys! It’s so warm and kind. Our “relationship friendship” is great! I feel so comfortable. The boys can be quite hard, but they are oh so cute. And I can do whatever I want with them! It’s oh so great! Seriously! Spanish people are very, very, very kind people. So far I have met a few at least, that are very, very, very kind! SO, the beach is oh so beautiful!, my time spent here is great!
Second subject. Mi carazon- my heart. (and)My life.. Everything takes time-as I had mentioned! And I am starting to realize it. I have been very open to experience with my feelings and to let them come and go as they really are. I feel it would be a mistake to close and bury them in my heart. Because this is the year I am taking to become me- so please let them out, this is why you are here for! I have been reacting pretty quickly to my feelings and it’s okay. I see that I am in the phase of truly becoming me and except it for what it is! So when I talk about how I love “white” but also “turquoise” and feel like One day I prefer “white” and the other day “turquoise“ , I tell myself it‘s okay. For all it means I keep the mindset always at, “if it ain‘t supposed to be it ain‘t supposed to be and I won‘t miss out, it‘s okay my life will turn and be good“ mentality, because I am starting to be so confident, so sure, deep sense of self sight, I know who I am and am starting to connect within myself so much. I am connecting my mind with my body and am becoming one. It’s going through the “really indecisive” phase, but I say- I accept it! It’s been great! I have been meeting great people. I love everything about Barcelona, beside the men, because they are too rapido and quick and bugging and they don’t stop, for them is “no” a “yes” and a “yes” is a “yes” so it’s a “win-win” situation for the men not for us women- It is a definite loss! So unfortunately I haven’t been able to meet any girls from Spain and most Spanish contact is made with men, but I am not shy to say “no” and keep to my standards! So for all of you that know me, here are some facts I feel:
Do I think about my “Ex- boyfriend” ?-Yes,
Do I still believe he is a man I’d get married to and be happy with “Definite yeees”
Am I ready to be married? “ One day it’s a no one day a yes” (which means I don’t know, I feel one day ready to be settled and the other not, but in the end it feels like I need to settle an agreement even if it‘s through other reasons, as an example: to just have my own apartment again! I know I am becoming ready for that stage of life of nesting myself)
Do I think we will become a couple again?: “Not sure, but it‘s becoming okay to think that it might just not be anymore! Which is a good sign of healing ;)”.

It’s okay to know that -yes-we might not and I might lose the men of my dreams and won’t keep him for myself, but I know who I am and will be looking for exactly what I want with high standards in the future! I know everything is going to be alright and that fate will lead my way! I know that my journey will be blessed by god if I follow his ways, and truly believe it! So to my feelings… time is starting to heal my loss and things are starting to be “okay” and “great”. And I am more content then I had ever, ever been. I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin as “ME”, as “ONE”- a person on her own, by herself, all alone! “Everything is gonnna be alright“- like Bob Marley inspired… I can’t say it enough, about how I feel at ease and alive, reinvented, revitalized and most of all relieved- A baggage is dropping that made a hard, hard, hard 5 years - my past, that had been nagging on my mental thoughts for awhile, things I needed and am truly letting go off, the load was way to heavy “weight“ for me to carry ! It’s the time in which I find myselves and struggle to be alone and truly be happy alone, within! It’s coming and I feel it day by day relieving more and more weight! I am becoming me- Within, It feels good! I feel light… I love my life! -this is an experience that is unaccountably the most and best experience in my life! I feel it!